Conversation with a Homosexual
Posted by nathan on 29 Sep 2007 | Tagged as: my life., thoughts on life.
A recent blog by my friend Todd reminded me of the need to blog about this, and I wanted to share it with you today.
This originally appeared in the Oct 24, 2001 issue of IPFW’s The Communicator, which at the time, I was Managing Editor. Here, The story Why are you straight?it appears in its entirety:
As most of my loyal readers already know, I have an opinion about almost everything. If I don’t have an opinion, I can usually at least attempt to make up an answer to get me through.
Recently, I was asked a question that I couldn’t readily answer. After I was laughed at for not knowing the answer, I had to admit that I really didn’t know the answer.
Normally when I’m hit by a really tough question, I have an answer. I cannot recall another time when a question left me totally and utterly speechless. It was a simple question, but not a question that I knew the answer to.
The question simply asked, ‘Why are you straight?’
I had no answer or explaination for why I am straight. I tried to think of something really quickly, but the two people I was speaking with [homosexual 'partners'] started laughing at me and said something to the effect of, ‘Don’t even tell me you’re asexual.’
Humiliated after being made fun of for my lack of reasoning, I could only say, ‘That’s the way God made me,’ which was not a good enough answer for them.
What bothered me most was not that I couldn’t answer the question, but the fact that the two guys made fun of me and laughed at me because the question left me speechless.
Is it really abnormal in this day and age to be so secure in my manhood that I have never questioned my sexuality? Why is it that it’s no longer considered normal not to question your sexuality?
Should I really have been made fun of because I have never thought about it? Is the fact that I am secure in my sexuality a basis for making fun of me and attempting to tear me down?
Is this world coming to a place where we are all expected to question and decide in our own minds if we aren’t meant to have kids or just live outside of marriage all our lives? The liberal media would like it to.
Must we be taught that sexual orientation is something you are born with? And why, if you are born with it, would you ever have to make a conscious decision on it?
If I am forced to make a conscious decision about my sexuality, I am no longer able to claim equal rights. A decision is a decision, and holds no power to equal protection.
If someone decides to be a nudist, they do not have the right to be a nudist anywhere they want. A choice does not guarantee you any rights. A choice guarantees you nothing other than the right to your own opinion.
Too often people make a decision and claim, ‘I was born that way.’
Science makes some pretty good sense. Man and woman have sex, little boy or girl comes as a result. Process repeats.
Man and man have ’sex.’ End of story.
To the the question I was asked, ‘Why are you straight?’ I now have an answer.
‘I’ve never thought about it.’
14 Comments »
on 29 Sep 2007 at 11:55 am 1.
joe said …
Wow…it’s terrible that they laughed at you!
Now, before I say anything else, I want to make it very clear, very very clear, that I believe that homosexuality is a sin, certainly not a worse sin than any other sin, but a sin nonetheless.
Having said that, I would simply ask if anyone who is married has ever had sex which did not result in a child…if so, then we have an instance where man and woman have sex. End of story.
What, then, is this sex without reproduction good for? Well, I would assume that it’s an expression of love and intimacy that’s not shared with anyone else. That’s the same thing that a homosexual is doing. By the same token, some homosexuals pursue sex out of an addiction to it…I can point out tons of heterosexual males who pursue sex for the exact same reason, as a matter of fact, I bet we all know someone like this. (”Dont’ hate the player, hate the game?”)
You also ask if this world is coming to a place where we should question being married or even having children…I personally have spent a significant amount of time thinking about this, and I think it’s ok to not get married. Certainly, it’s not good to have sex outside of marriage. But remaining single is ok, and even healthy for some people. Now, if we are going to start standing up against gay marriage because it’s not a God-designed marriage, should we then, as my friend “Steve” points out, also stand up against common-law marriage, Islamic and Hindu marriages, and abusive situations?
Now, I’m not condoning homosexuality, but I think we need to be careful to look at it in its true form: sin. No different than gluttony, or theft, or covetousness.
And, to your answer to the question, “Why are you straight?” I say, “Kudos! Good answer.” (And I really do think it’s too bad that they laughed at you…I think that shows them to be just as judgmental and discriminating as those they “fight” against!)
on 01 Oct 2007 at 7:46 am 2.
nathan said …
Joe,
You completely missed my point. Stop getting lost in the little details and try to figure out the big meaning:
Say 100 man-woman couples live in ‘marriage’ for all their lives. Worldwide, they will average more than 100 offspring.
Say 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 man-man couples live in ‘marriage’ for all their lives. Worldwide, without exception, they produce a TOTAL offspring of ZERO.
The big picture I was trying to convey was that one chooses to be homosexual, you’re not born that way, and because it’s a choice, you don’t get equal protection under the law.
on 01 Oct 2007 at 9:03 am 3.
Penny said …
As I started reading your article, the answer that came to me right away was the same as yours. Because God made me that way. If that’s such a good answer, why can’t the homosexual answer the same?
on 01 Oct 2007 at 10:06 am 4.
Penny said …
OK–never mind. You answered that question already saying it’s a conscious decision they make. Let me ask you this. If it wasn’t a conscious decision for you to be straight, why is it a conscious decision for the homosexual to choose to be what they are? I’m not disagreeing with you, just bringing this up for discussion. I’ve wondered this myself.
on 01 Oct 2007 at 10:19 am 5.
nathan said …
Penny,
That is exactly my point.
I believe that we are all born with the God-given desire for the opposite sex.
Romans 1:18-32 sheds some light on why anyone would ever change from this–it’s sin.
I believe all homosexuals choose to behave that way. It’s a conscious decision to sin, just as it is a conscious decision to sin in any other way.
Nor do I believe all heterosexuals never thought about it. We hear often that you can be born gay, and so we’re taught we ought to question our sexual identity. I think a lot of heterosexuals probably have questioned their sexuality.
But the bottom line, is that all human beings are born as straight, heterosexuals. The only reason anyone practices homosexuality is addressed in Romans 1.
hope that makes sense.
on 01 Oct 2007 at 10:40 am 6.
joe said …
@Penny: I guess I’ve really struggled through that very question.
The conclusion that I have come to is simply that we are all born into sin. When we are separated from God our thinking becomes twisted and we call that “twistedness” sin. I really think that each person manifests this twisted thinking in their own unique way. God made each of us uniquely, so why wouldn’t we manifest our sin uniquely?
For some, this twisted thinking comes out as jealousy. That’s a lifestyle of jealousy, not just a momentary jealous thought. Some people show this sin in their live primarily through pride, for others it’s alcoholism. For some, it’s homosexuality. There are as many ways to twist our thinking as their are people on the earth. The possibilities are endless. But all of these unique manifestations of sin are the result of one common thing: our separation from God.
To classify any one sin as better or worse than another sin, is to fail to see sin in the same way God does. It all looks the same to Him: revolting. We humans (particularly Americans) have a tendency to somehow see pride as OK, but homosexuality as disgusting. They are the same thing: sin, twisted thinking, brokenness, depravity.
So, I guess the answer I would have to your question, “why is it a conscious decision for the homosexual to choose to be what they are”, would simply be: Maybe some did, and maybe some didn’t. No matter how it happened, they are separated from God, and the closer they get to him, the more he will restore the broken parts of their thinking to match his way of thinking. The same way he does for an alcoholic, or a prideful person, or whatever way in which each of us is showing our brokenness.
on 01 Oct 2007 at 11:17 am 7.
nathan said …
Jeremiah,
I have NEVER said homosexual behavior is a worse sin than any other. Please stop saying that here.
That is confusing the issue and is taking the comments to a direction it wasn’t intended to go.
on 02 Oct 2007 at 3:18 pm 8.
Penny said …
Nathan,
I’m not seeing where he said it was worse. He said in twice that they’re all the same to God. Revolting.
Now, what about the homosexuals that are teased and tormented, and say that if it was a choice they make, he certainly would not choose to live a life of ridicule and getting beat up. Some swear it was a natural attraction to the same sex, and they wish they were ‘normal’.
on 02 Oct 2007 at 3:49 pm 9.
nathan said …
Penny,
What the Bible says in Romans 1 fully addresses where attraction to the same sex comes from (sin). I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do believe the Bible is always right, and regardless of my experience or anyone else’s experiences.
Actually, some homosexuals like the attention that being a homosexual brings them–crazy, huh? (Many heterosexual girls are the same way–they dress seductively to get attention). I knew a guy in college who liked being known as being gay. He liked the attention. So more than likely, I think these homosexuals who get beat up and ridiculed have attention issues and actually like it that they get attention from other people.
I do have a very strict anti-troll and anti-hijack policy on my blog (which means a commenter tries to control the direction of the conversation or cause problems), and I needed to stop the hijacking and set the record straight, and get the discussion back on topic.
on 03 Oct 2007 at 9:23 am 10.
Todd Helmkamp said …
Hmm. Interesting discussion.
It is true that God makes no distinctions among various sins when it comes to judgment. Breaking the tiniest bit of the Law and you’re screwed. That’s why we needed Christ, because we can’t keep the Law (see Romans).
BUT, God does, as do we, make distinctions among various sins in determining how harmful and destructive they are. Murder is far more destructive than stealing a pencil (although small sins inevitably lead to larger ones, if left unchecked by repentance). So it is valuable to attempt at least a loose classification of various sins, based upon their destructive power. A homosexual lifestyle is extremely destructive, which is why God abhors it so much.
on 03 Oct 2007 at 10:31 am 11.
Greg said …
I am a happily married man with 2 children and a Christian who also believes that homosexuality is a SIN.
All that said, God designed us with a very specific purpose in mind “To Worsip Him”. With our lives and our actions. We have the ability to chose the path that we take and that is up to us. Yes, I believe that circumstances and the people that we Choose to have an influence in our lives can have an impact in the decisions that we make and the adults that we develop into. A Choices that will impact us for the rest of our live.
It is a natural reaction for people who are in sin or at fault to blame others or point out faults in others. I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep over two people who are obviously trying to vustify their actions by making you question yours.
You are straight because that is the way that God Designed us! They choose to abominate the wonderous design of the human body.
Sure a butter knife can be used to put in a screw…..BUT, it ends up being damaged and is JUST THE WRONG TOOL FOR THE JOB!!!
If they choose not to believe in God, just look at it through the eyes of an Engineer: Inlet, Outlet!!!
The Female inatomy was specifically designed for a purpose, heck it even has it’s own cleaning cycle.
Where as the Outlet was designed SPECIFCALLY and Exclusively to evacuate waste from the body. There are thousands of veins delicate tissue that was NEVER designed for that activity!!
It is Sin and it is against all practical design principals!!
Don’t feel bad….they next time you meet the 2 males that you were talking about, just ask them which one of them wears the maxi-pad to catch the blood and other discharge associated with their Lifestyle Choice.
I think I’m done now.
on 03 Oct 2007 at 12:17 pm 12.
Penny said …
My best friend in high school had a brother who is now a homosexual. He dated girls in school, but acted effeminate since puberty. I know he didn’t act that way in high school for the attention, he was quiet and shy and did not appreciate getting harassed. After reading Greg’s comment, I think it may have been the friends he chose to hang with that could have done this, as all of his buddies ended up the same as him. Watching this guy grow up from an elementary kid to this, made me wonder if he didn’t choose it, it seemed to have been a natural transition in his life.
Back up to comment #2, Nathan, I agree with this view. I believe the single reason God created the Earth, Adam and Eve was to have them populate the Earth, and teach their offspring to worship God. The offspring was to multiply, and as the generations went on and on, they were all also to teach their offspring to worship God. God said to go forth and replenish the Earth. (This is why if a couple doesn’t prevent it, you will most likely multiply.)
If homosexuality was OK in God’s eyes, then where does this leave God’s plan?
side note: Has anyone actually met a Christian homosexual? Is this an oxymoron?
on 03 Oct 2007 at 12:38 pm 13.
nathan said …
Penny,
Actually, there is a fairly sizable movement in Christianity today which believes homosexual behavior is natural and okay. Church leaders are teaching it’s okay to be a homosexual because the bible is old and irrelevant. This is REALLY scary stuff! I absolutely do not believe homosexual behavior–or any behavior contrary to the Bible–is okay.
I think your friends play a major role in who you become. When I was in junior high, i hung around farmers, mostly, and I did farmer type things. When i got older, i got into Christian circles, and did mostly Christian type things. When i went to college, i did mostly what my friends were doing.
on 03 Oct 2007 at 1:50 pm 14.
Penny said …
I guess so, looking at the priests being exposed these days. (in more ways than one), but we’ll leave that one alone, that’s a whole other blog.